The Cycle

I came to the realization that life is a cycle of ups and downs. Sometimes we're on top, sometimes we're at the pith bottom. As a dancer, I've had a share of this cycle even in dance.

There are times that we are on our fast track. Everything seems to be inspiring-there's no other way but to go up and to keep on improving. However at times when the wheel rotates, a different feeling corrupts this drive. Nothing can seem to inspire us. Our minds are cluttered that no movement can flow freely. This may have us reach to the point of doubting our own craft. We may question our passion and ask ourselves what went wrong or how come we're not improving at all. Seems like we're stuck in a box and we do not know how to make a jump start.

I know exactly how that feels.

I am at this point of my cycle. It's not my first though, I've had plenty of this. It's hard to force myself to dance. It kind of feels awkward, especially when faced in a cypher or freestyle session.

This is an excerpt from my diary way back. I wrote this after training with Pinoy Funk'in Styles (PFS) for an upcoming battle called Funk For Life Vol.1.

It was time for individual freestyle. We flipped our hands to see who came first and I think I was second to the last. So when it was my turn, I decided to freestyle locking instead of popping. Since I barely practiced at all, I wanted to see how free I could be.

So it was an unfamiliar music. I felt a familiar stiffness in my heart and in my mind. I wasn’t dancing at all. It felt as if I was forcing the steps to the music. I felt horrible inside and I wanted to cry. And it was PFS’s turn to rate me or share their comments. Some of them were about fixing my form and having variety with foundations. Don’t get me wrong though, I love criticisms. If there’s one thing I am proud of, I perceive criticism positively, for I am nothing compared to what I can learn. But for some reason, what Joi said struck me the most. This may not come accurately, but it goes something like “Luke, you can do better than that”. That line got me thinking and baffled the whole night. Even Jemie noticed it when we were talking after the practices.

I was lucky to hitch a ride with Miko on the way home. Toni and I sat at the backseat, and something urged me to ask Toni “Toni, anong ginagawa mo pag uninspired ka?” He immediately answered “Nanonood ng videos, kukuha ng inspirasyon sa mga masters.” I did that already. But sometimes, no matter how you look for inspiration outside, you can’t seem to grasp it.


So the biggest question that I had to face was hurting. Is funk for me, or am I just daring to be different? Some people might not understand why dancers hurt so much for their passion. They never will unless they hold a valuable purpose for it. Some of us dance because it is our talent, some because it provides us physical and emotional stability…but for some, it is what saves them. So I sat ‘til morning thinking and thinking. I felt a part of me died. I was so thankful to my friends who talked me out of it. These are private conversations with my friends, but it so saved me that I wanted to share.

Jemie:

“love the style.. love the music.. then maybe you'll find ur way back”

“Keep the funk alive! Its starting to bloom. Dont drown urself in that feeling or else.. you wont   be able to see just how funk is growing.. am sure ayaw mong mangyari un.. Im not a funk person but I love how it has bloomed... pano ka pa”

Dean:

“pagnafeel mo ulet ito, PRAY ka lang. bgay mo lahat sa kanya. hindi ka nya iiwan sa stage”

Alex:

“don’t be pressured. Maging free ka lang”

After what seemed to be the end of my drive, my partner (James Wong) and I won the Funk for Life Vol. 1 2 on 2 Locking Category and was able to represent the Philippines at Juste Debout Singapore 2011, an international dance festival.


Reading the excerpt and thinking of everything that happened at that point of my life, I am assured now that what I am feeling is just a phase. This will soon pass. The wheel turns to bring us to the top again, now even more driven to conquer anything.


I guess if you're faced with the same situation as I am, remind yourself to HOLD ON. As the line goes "The night is darkest before dawn." Meaning, you won't remain uninspired forever. This is just something you must always encounter to realize the worth of what you have and to appreciate the craft even more. It may also happen because we are being redirected to notice other things in our lives, or to keep us striving for excellence. As we all know, one must sometimes step back in order to step forward. ;)